


Tie Pile

by SmittyJaws



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, OH GOD SO MANY TIES, Ties, What Have I Done, more ties
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-27 23:04:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16229150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmittyJaws/pseuds/SmittyJaws
Summary: After he deviates, Connor sure does seem to own a lot of ties.  Gavin Reed just didn't realize how many there were until it was too late.





	Tie Pile

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a random discussion I had with a friend on Discord. And there's fanart! I'm having issues uploading it to this work directly, but I've posted links to the end of the work.

It took forever for Hank to convince Connor to stop wearing the CyberLife jacket, but while he may have won that debate, one argument that Hank couldn’t seem to win was about Connor’s insistence on formality in his work attire. The android insisted on still wearing ties all the time; said he liked the way they made him look.

Hank rolled his eyes every time they had this argument, but that didn’t stop him from buying Connor a shitload of novelty ties every chance he got. Connor had Christmas ties, Easter ties, Halloween ties, nerd ties, pun ties... basically every single conceivable thing that could be on a tie, Hank bought for Connor.

Hank was no idiot and knew he was a basically buying them with Connor’s own money (as if he wouldn’t notice the mysterious deposits in his bank account the day after the DPD’s paydays), but he knew Connor appreciated the gifts. So much so, that Hank was barely surprised when Connor announced that he needed more storage space for his ties.

Hank had suggested disposing of some ties that Connor never wore, to which the android gave him a look as though Hank had asked him to eat a baby or something. “I can’t get rid of them, Hank! It’s rude to get rid of presents!”

Hank eventually acquiesced and agreed to add on to Connor’s closet to give him more room to store his precious ties. He thought nothing more of it, as Connor (as expected) kept his room and closet immaculately tidy, and Hank continued to buy him more ties to add to his collection (“I got you a Hanukkah tie, Connor! Wait - do androids even celebrate Hanukkah?” “I will celebrate whatever holidays you want to celebrate, Hank”).

——

Gavin Reed, of course, knew none of this information; only that Connor had an exceedingly varied collection of ties he chose to wear to work _like a nerd_ instead of normal clothes, like the rest of the DPD. What a tool. Didn’t the tin can know that novelty ties were for corporate losers and old people? And yet, he wore them unironically with a cheerful smile, proudly showing them off to anyone who commented on them.

While he had to look at them in the office, Gavin was thankful that at least he didn’t have to be stuck with Novelty Tie McGee as a partner; having Mickey Mouse Tie #5 tagging along to a crime scene like a puppy was just embarrassing, and Gavin personally had no idea how the old man could live with that. Whatever. To each their own.

Until one day...he _was_ partnered up with Connor.

——

“I still don’t see why we have to stop by your house before heading to the crime scene,” Gavin complained as they pulled the car into Hank’s driveway.

Connor sighed. “If you had listened to my explanation the first time, Detective, you would have heard me tell you that with Hank being ill, I have to make sure Sumo is fed and that Hank is getting some rest to bring down his fever.”

“What are you, his mother?” Gavin sneered. “I’m sure he’s fine.”

“Regardless, we’re stopping by to check on this before heading out. It’ll just take five minutes.”

“Whatever, Plastic. I’m coming in while I wait, too - it’s cold as balls out here, and apparently, Anderson has no interest in getting the heater in his car fixed.” Gavin slammed the car door shut with perhaps a little more force than necessary.

“As you wish, Detective Reed,” Connor replied, not even turning to look at Gavin as he unlocked the front door, already distracted by his mission to look after Hank and the dog.

Gavin stood in the front doorway for all of 30 seconds before he decided to look around. Most of the front living room area was boring; stuff he’d find in any regular house. But then his eye caught on something much more interesting - a sign on a door down the hallway labelled Connor’s Room in perfect CyberLife Sans font. The Tin Man had a room? What could he possibly have in there? So when Gavin noticed that Connor seemed sufficiently distracted checking on Hank (the guy actually sounded pretty sick, judging from the coughs and wheezes coming from the bedroom), he decided to wander down the hallway and sneak in. He closed the door as quietly as possible and turned around to find...

...absolutely nothing of interest. Really? Well, this was lame.

There was a decent-sized aquarium with brightly coloured fish swimming around, several small plants growing on the windowsill, some child’s drawings labelled “Cole’s Art” that Gavin was _not_ going to get involved in; Gavin knew he could be a dick, but he’d like to think he wasn’t a total asshole, especially when it came to family trauma.

Moving on, Gavin’s gaze was arrested by the sight of two closet doors, side by side. Looking at them more closely revealed them to be doors for two separate closets? This demanded a closer look. Gavin opened up one and found nothing but standard closet fare - suit jackets hanging up in a few different shades, a couple of pairs of dress shoes, a trench coat or two, some classy-looking ties, and other various items you’d normally expect to find in a closet.

Wait. There were a handful of nice dress ties in here, but none of the novelty ones that the android wore on a daily basis. That was odd.

Backing out of the one closet, Gavin closed the door and prepared to check the other one. Why would the plastic asshole even need two closets anyway? The first one wasn’t even full.

Gavin opened up the second closet, and the first thing he noticed was that this closet seemed to be a lot deeper than the other closet. A walk in? Weird.. The second thing he noticed was that he could hear a low rumbling sound. Gavin didn’t have much time to dwell on what the significance of that sound was, though, as the rumble suddenly got louder, right before a pile of ties collapsed on top of him.

“...ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???!!!!??”

——

Gavin had stopped struggling a while ago. He had thought he could get up from under a pile of goddamn neckties, but apparently, he was wrong. How many ties were even in this pile, anyway? Gavin could see ties with TARDIS patterns, ties with Nirvana and other band logos, ties with Minions and Kermit and Homestuck characters, for God’s sake. Gavin was pretty sure if he craned his neck the right way, he could see that stupid meme tie he got the android for last year’s DPD Christmas party to piss off Hank.

Then just when he thought it couldn’t get any worse, Gavin heard footsteps, a door opening, and a long-suffering sigh from somewhere behind him. He tried to turn his head, but that didn’t accomplish anything except give him a bigger crick in his neck. There was another sigh, then the voice spoke: “You shouldn’t have snooped in my tie closet, Detective.”

Oh no. Oh God. Gavin knew that tone of voice. The android sounded _disappointed_ in him. That was the tone he used when he was about to launch into a lecture on some aspect of morality and/or personal quality of living. Gavin tried to struggle again to get out, but it was too late; Connor had started monologuing on _the importance of personal privacy and respecting one’s space yadda yadda yadda_ and sure, maybe Gavin shouldn’t have poked around, but that was no reason to just lecture him and not help him up.

After a few minutes of struggling and when Connor paused in his speech to just give him a small insufferable shit-eating grin at the lack of success, Gavin glared up at him with a baleful look. “When I get out of here, you’re dead, tin can.”

When it became apparent that Connor wasn’t going to lift a finger to help him out, Gavin took matters into his own hands. He tried to grab at anything to gain leverage, and what he ended up grabbing onto was Connor’s ankle.

Connor made a small noise of surprise and tried to back away as he was taken off-guard by the sudden erratic movement, but Gavin had a death grip on him and would not let go. Somehow this managed to throw the “perfectly calibrated” bot off his game, and before Gavin knew it, he was staring at a face full of robo ass after Connor had toppled onto (and into) the pile of ties.

——

Well, this was just great. Just fucking peachy. Now, not only was Gavin trapped in this seemingly never-ending pile of tacky accessories, Connor was stuck too. And the more either of them tried to move to get up, the more the ties shifted around them and tangled up even more, effectively keeping them pinned down. Although... there was something Gavin couldn’t explain about all of this: “Hey. Asshole. How come you’re not able to analyze your way out of this situation, huh? Thought you were supposed to be CyberLife’s boy wonder genius and adapt to anything that’s thrown at you.”

The android turned his head to glare at Gavin. “Let me ask you a question first, Detective: how much has all of your extensive police training assisted you in this situation?” he snapped.

Gavin opened his mouth, then shut it again. As much as he hated to admit it, the tin can kind of had a point. Still, Gavin couldn’t let him get the last word. “But I thought that’s what made you plastic fucks so superior to humans; your ability to handle unpredictability.”

Above him, Connor grunted as he tried to shift his way out of the pile. “To a certain extent. I doubt CyberLife had a giant pile of ties in mind when they created the programming for androids. So, unfortunately, I’m just as stuck as you are. And judging by the stability of this pile and our inability to find leverage, we appear to both be trapped.”

“Goddamnit! Are you kidding me?” Gavin yelled. He could hear the dog bark in another part of the house in response to his volume, but frankly, he didn’t care who he was disturbing right now. He was frustrated and pissed off, and wanted to make sure everyone knew it. He tried shifting around again, but that just caused some more ties to avalanche down on him from the closet and made the android’s not-inconsiderable weight come down more heavily on top of him. “Fuck, how much do you weigh? I thought a hunk of plastic would be lighter than this.”

“Plastic may not weigh a lot, Detective Reed, but machinery and biocomponents do. Besides, I was designed to mimic the median weight for a human male of this size and height, so I weigh-“ Gavin cut him off.

“Yeah, yeah. Save the lecture, Professor. Preferably for when we’re not, you know, being crushed by your goddamn ties??????”

“The ties are not actually crushing us, Detective. You’re exaggerating.”

“Your face is exaggerating,” Gavin muttered.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that?”

“Nothing,” Gavin lied. “Let’s just focus on getting the fuck out of here.”

——

Gavin didn’t even know how it had gotten to this. Somehow they were both submerged completely in the pile of ties, in some sort of tie cavern. Gavin still had no free hands to pull the ties away, or he would have tried to claw his way out.

The whole situation was just laughably surreal at this point. Who needed Red Ice for a trip when this shit happened? Just then, a tie with marijuana leaves dropped down in front of Gavin’s face. How fitting.. If it weren’t for the fact that Gavin was massively uncomfortable and aware of how stuffy the pile of ties was, he would have sworn he was dreaming.

Maybe the lack of air was making him hallucinate, though? That was the only explanation Gavin had for hearing a voice that distinctly wasn’t his or Connor’s muttering to itself from deeper inside the pile/closet (honestly, who knew where one ended and the other began, anymore). The voice never seemed to shut up, either: _“Ralph thought he was safe here. Safe inside his little tie cave. But Ralph’s not so sure anymore. Maybe Ralph just needs to build a better cave. Yes, a better cave, with more ties, so the humans will never find him. Ralph needs to find more ties with the flowers and plants on them, though. Ralph likes those ties the best.”_

Just then, a dirty hand reached into the space Gavin was in, and snagged the pot tie from right in front of him. It was so fast, Gavin almost thought he had imagined it, but nope - the tie was definitely gone. Gavin could hear the muttering voice recede, and decided he was definitely not paid enough to deal with this shit. He just wanted to get out, go home, and have a beer or five.

And then when Gavin thought it really couldn’t possibly get any worse, he heard the distinct sound of Old Man Cackle #5 coming from someplace outside of the pile. Was that... “Anderson?“

The cackle turned into a wheezy cough, confirming that yes, Hank had gotten up from his sickbed, and was having a great laugh at their expense. “Hank, I thought I told you that you needed rest,” Connor was admonishing from wherever his head was in the pile. “Go back to bed!”

“Fuck that! Get us out of here, old man!” Gavin shouted, trying to cut off the medical lecture. “I can’t stand being stuck in this godforsaken mess any longer!”

That, of course, just made Hank laugh/wheeze all that much harder. “Do you have... any idea... just how ridiculous you look, Reed?”

Connor started to try and tell him to go back to bed again, but Hank cut him off too. “Hell no, Connor - I’m not missing a fucking second of this for the world! This is goddamn priceless.”

“But Hank, I really think-“

“Listen, Connor; if you want me to go back to bed so badly, then just get out of the pile and make me.” The man sounded way too smug for someone who was wheezing as if he’d just run a footrace against Usain Bolt, or whoever the fastest man on the planet was these days.

There was a loud boof of agreement, and Gavin realized that the dog was witnessing his horrible demise as well. “Kill me now, Anderson. Make it fast.”

“What, and lose the opportunity to rub it in your face the next time I’m at work? In the words of Wolf of Wall Street: _‘Absolutely fucking not!’ ”_

“Goddamnit. Should have known you wouldn’t grant me this one mercy,” Gavin lamented, even as he somehow managed to pull some ties away from his face and finally breathe some non-stuffy air. Of course, now that his head was exposed again, Gavin could see Hank smirking down at him with the most shit-eating grin possible, and pointing something that looked suspiciously like his cell phone at him...

**SHIT.**

“Anderson... you had better not be fucking recording this.”

The older man chuckled wheezily at Gavin and his smirk (somehow) got bigger. “You bet your fucking ass I am, Reed.”

Gavin dreaded asking, but he needed to know. “How long?”

“You really don’t want me to answer that question.”

“When I get out of here, you’re next on my hit list.”

“Gotta get out of that pile first if you want to do anything to me, Reed.” GOD, he sounded way too smug for a deathly sick guy.

“...I hate you.”

“Heh. What else is new? Add it to my tab, Reed.”

Above him, Gavin could feel Connor finally making some progress with movement, and had to resist the urge to try moving again until the android’s heavy ass was off of him. Even so, when Connor finally managed to stand up again, he somehow dislodged another handful of ties on top of Gavin’s face, making the man splutter in surprise and frustration, especially since he was sure the prick did it on purpose. Gavin tried moving again but still couldn’t seem to get any traction. Who the hell designed ties to be so goddamn _slippery_?

Connor started digging Gavin out, but Gavin really didn’t want to be beholden to an android, much less Connor. God knows the tin can would only lecture him again later, and Anderson would make him apologize and/or thank him. “Leave me alone! I’m fine!” Gavin protested, trying to (unsuccessfully) push Connor away.

“I can’t just stand here while you still need assistance, Detective Reed.”

The moment one of his arms was free, Gavin tossed a handful of Muppet-themed ties at Connor’s face and scrambled to get out of the pile while the android was distracted. “Ha! Told you I didn’t need help, Tin Man.”

“I can see that, Detective.” Now that Gavin was up, Connor immediately began fussing over Hank, trying to coerce the older man to go back to bed. “Aw, come on, Connor!” Hank was wheedling between coughs. “This is the most fun I’ve had in ages!”

Connor would not be budged, however, and insisted on the man going back to bed for more rest. “Your health won’t improve unless you let your body rest and recover, Hank. Back to bed.”

For once, Gavin was inclined to agree with the android (not that he would ever admit it). “You heard the android, Anderson. Go back to bed... and stop goddamn filming me! I’m out of the pile, so I have no idea what possible entertainment you could derive from this.”

Anderson just rolled his eyes and was in the process of lowering his phone, when Gavin suddenly tripped. He had moved to get out of the room and finally leave that godforsaken place, when he stepped on (and subsequently slipped on) some loose ties on the floor, sending him ass first right back into the tie pile.

“HA! This is gold!” The old man crowed triumphantly, before bursting out into another round of coughs. “Just think, Reed; you wanted me to stop filming this. I would have missed the best part!”

“...oh joy.”

——

Weeks later, Gavin had tried to forget that incredibly weird event, and pretend it never happened. Oddly enough, neither Connor nor Anderson had said anything of the incident. It wasn’t a big surprise that the android hadn’t spoken about it; spreading gossip wasn’t something he seemed to participate in. Anderson, on the other hand... it meant he was holding out, and that alone made Gavin suspicious.

The old man smirking every time Gavin walked by certainly didn’t help matters. And yet, he never seemed to say anything about it, because Tina and Chris would have mocked him mercilessly if they knew.

And then... the other shoe dropped.

It was the DPD Christmas party, one of the only DPD staff functions that Gavin actually enjoyed attending. There was usually a gift exchange, station highlights from the past year to celebrate successes and joke about hilarious incidents from the previous year, and plenty of booze to go around. Any party where Gavin could drink on the DPD's dime was a good one in his books, so he always made an appearance, no matter how cheesy the whole set-up was (but really, what staff function - for any business - wasn't at least a bit hokey?).

They were going through the station highlights reel and laughing about the bodycam footage of Ben Collins literally slipping on a banana peel while he attempted to catch a fleeing suspect when Gavin decided to go top up his liberally spiked punch. It smelled suspiciously like Tina, Chris, _and_ Fowler had made separate trips to add extra vodka to the punchbowl, and Gavin could feel the alcohol burning off his nose hairs even when his glass was nowhere near his face. Just the way he liked it.

However, no sooner had Gavin turned away to refill his glass than he heard a very familiar voice coming from the speaker system where the video audio was playing: _“Get us out of here, old man! I can’t stand being stuck in this godforsaken mess any longer!”_

No. There was **no** way.

Anderson hadn't...

Gavin turned around slowly to look at the screen; suddenly aware of all the eyes on him.

_...he had; that asshole._

It was like watching a trainwreck; watching himself in all his tie-confined glory, with the added insult of someone having added old memes to the shitty cellphone footage to further compound Gavin's humiliation. There were air horns, the old pixellated Deal With It sunglasses, the goddamn _Doge face_ made an appearance, and Gavin swore he could see little Bongo Cats in the background playing the  Curb Your Enthusiasm theme as he slipped on the ties and fell back into the pile (all while Hank cackled like a maniac at his misfortune).

There was a moment of complete silence where no one said anything at all, then Fowler spoke up, a completely deadpan look on his face as he continued to watch the looped footage (now with the addition of the Benny Hill theme playing in the background while the video was sped up and slowed down at key points): "You know, when Hank said he had a great addition to the station highlights reel but wouldn't tell me what it was, I was kind of worried." Suddenly a smirk appeared on his face as he turned to face. "This really takes the cake though, Hank. This is goddamn hilarious."

At that statement, the entire precinct (most of whom had already been hiding stifled laughter behind their hands) seemed to take that as their cue, and all started laughing uproariously. "Does _no one_ care about my self-esteem here?" Gavin whined.

"You're really gonna try and play that card, Reed?" Tina snickered from where she was standing nearby, wiping tears of laughter away. "You had it coming for snooping in Connor's shit. You're lucky they just used this in the station highlights movie and didn't do anything worse with it. Hank could have forwarded it to Jericho, or turned it into a piece of viral clickbait, or something else."

"Oh, come on! You can't tell me you wouldn't have wanted to look at what the Tin Can might have been hiding?" Gavin tried again. Of all people, he would have thought she would have sympathized with his motivations the most.

"Nah. Even I'm not that dumb," she called over her shoulder before heading off to another group of officers to (presumably) laugh about the footage some more.

Apparently, there would be no safe haven anywhere tonight. Everyone came up to him and made digs about ties and/or Gavin's poking around where he didn't belong. To add insult to injury, Gavin's movie segment was deemed the Highlight of the Year, and he was presented with the shitty plastic bowling trophy they all passed around year after year to commemorate the "winners" of this unofficial contest.

Gavin wasn't sure what was worse; the fact that Hank seemed to be enjoying this spectacle a little _too much_ , or the fact that Connor seemed to be completely unaffected, except for the fact that he was holding a very animated discussion with a small group of cops and other station androids confirming that _yes, he did own that many ties; his favourites were the ones with animals on them; Hank was really great for gifting these to him_ , and so on. Gavin envied him on some level - the plastic asshole didn't seem to even care about the secondhand embarrassment of being in the footage as well, but instead only seemed to be even more excited to talk about his tie collection.

_What a tool._

Gavin didn't even have it in him to mock the android about this anymore, though. At this point he just wanted to go home and forget any of this ever happened. As he was trying to slip out the door un-noticed, though, he was accosted the sound of footsteps behind him and a voice calling out: "Detective Reed!"

Only one person would be that formal at a casual staff party. Gavin stopped, but didn't turn around right away. "What is it, tin can?"

Connor quickly caught up with Gavin, and held an immaculately-wrapped gift box out. "I drew your name for the gift exchange, Detective. I wanted to make sure you received the present before you went home."

Oh. Well, that was nice of him, all things considered. Gavin was speechless for a moment, before taking the box. "...thanks."

"I hope you like it; I picked it out myself." The android beamed, before turning to head back to the party. "Have a safe drive home, Detective. Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas to you too, RoboCop," Gavin muttered as he walked the rest of the way to his car. What was in this present that couldn't have waited for Connor to give it to him?

Once inside the car, curiosity got the best of Gavin and he tore the wrapping paper to shreds. He opened the small box inside, and found... a novelty necktie covered in pictures of kittens.

Despite everything, Gavin had to laugh. Merry Christmas, indeed.

**Author's Note:**

> Art time! I made some of my own (shameless self-promo XD), and I got a really cool version by the amazing Viv, who can be found at https://just-call-me-viv.tumblr.com/
> 
> Art links:  
> http://smittyjaws.tumblr.com/post/176978347304/i-should-not-be-left-alone-with-my-tablet-and
> 
> https://just-call-me-viv.tumblr.com/post/176978277236/an-interpretation-of-smittyjaws-masterpiece-tie?is_highlighted_post=1


End file.
